I am a suicidal child. I do not have a good relationship with my parents and whenever they try to “help me” they make everything at least ten times worse. Also, I’m a social reject, a complete introvert, full of rage, hate, pain, and sadness at all times, most likely with bipolar disorder and BPD as well.
I am also on the smarter side of the INTP personality type, which means that I completely think everything through and am rational in my decisions, which makes it even more sad that I want to die. whenever I start to think that I might not, something happens that almost pushes me off the edge.
I don’t know how much longer I can last. I’m not on any medication; my parents don’t know I need it. I am also very close with my older brother and he is also suicidal, he cuts himself and has attempted suicide many times and is severely bullied. Also whenever I try to be myself for once that’s when everyone walks away, even my so-called friends. I learned a long time ago, when I was 8, that if I act more “normal”, people like me. So I’m always acting, and I put on a face for everyone so much that I don’t even know who I am anymore. Also, I hate my name, and it sends a new bolt of pain through me every time someone says it.
I know you will probably tell me that the world needs me or something, but I know that. I have so much to offer, so much I could give. The trouble is that at this point, I’m done trying. I’ve been fighting all my life and I’m so, so tired. Soon I will give up.
It’s not like I have any hope left anyway.
Thanks for your time,
The Person Who’s Name Doesn’t Matter Because She’s Going To Die Soon Anyway