For some context, I am a teenager. I have been through 3 different fathers. I’ve had physical punishments as forms of discipline when I was younger. I started self-harming at the age of 11. I do have suicidal thoughts but I would never really plan anything. Though if I was in a situation where a car is about to run me over or someone is going to shoot me, I wouldn’t care that much. Like I would just accept it instead of trying to escape. I never seek any professional help and I don’t think I ever will because I can’t. I literally got in trouble just because I said I was stressed. Lately I’ve been crying at school everyday. I have no motivation to do anything and I don’t care about school but then I’m scared of failure. I have really low self-esteem but a high ego. When I am surrounded with friends I try to distract myself from feeling empty but when I get tired or am alone I let my thoughts drown in and start crying. I guess I kinda wanna know what mental disorder I have. I don’t really remember why I wanted to write this I guess you could say I have pretty bad memory.
This is a clear sign of depression, and you require professional assistance. Everyone has problems, but if your life is becoming a living hell and nothing makes you feel happy, it is time to seek professional assistance.
It is not necessary to know what type of disorder you have, but there is hope that you will be able to live a normal life, and there are many options available.